The Serenity Prayer
There are some words that stay with us because they are beautiful, and others because they are useful. The Serenity Prayer is both.
I love it because it is easy to remember, yet it holds profound wisdom. I often return to it as a way of making sense of stress, grief, uncertainty, and the very human struggle of wanting life to be different from how it is. In just a few lines, it offers a grounded framework for navigating difficult seasons with clarity and compassion.
“God, grant us the serenity
to accept the things we cannot change,
courage to change the things we can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”
At its heart, this prayer invites discernment. It gently asks us to pause and consider a powerful question: What is within our control here, and what is not?
That question alone can shift how we relate to suffering.
Acceptance Is Not Giving Up
The idea of accepting what cannot be changed is often misunderstood. Acceptance is easily confused with resignation, passivity, or approving of something that hurts. Really, acceptance is about letting go of the exhausting struggle with reality as it is. It is the moment we stop fighting what has already happened, or wishing that people, circumstances, or seasons of life were different. Acceptance does not mean liking it. It means acknowledging what is real, so we are no longer pouring energy into a battle we cannot win.
This understanding aligns closely with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Pain is part of being human. Suffering often deepens when we resist what is already true. The Serenity Prayer reminds us that peace begins not by changing reality, but by changing how we relate to it.
Courage and Meaningful Action
The prayer does not stop with acceptance. It moves us toward courage.
“Courage to change the things we can.”
Once we stop trying to control what is beyond us, something important happens: energy becomes available for meaningful action. In ACT, this is where values come into focus. We may not be able to eliminate pain or uncertainty, but we can choose how we respond and what we stand for.
We cannot control others, but we can choose our responses.
We cannot rewrite the past, but we can decide how we live today.
We cannot avoid all suffering, but we can move toward what matters, even alongside it.
Courage often looks quiet. It might be setting a boundary, having an honest conversation, asking for support, or taking a small step forward when fear is present.
The Wisdom to Know the Difference
The final line may be the most challenging and the most compassionate.
“And wisdom to know the difference.”
So much distress comes from confusing these categories. We exhaust ourselves trying to change what cannot be changed, while feeling stuck or powerless in areas where choice is actually possible. Wisdom, here, is not about having perfect insight. It is about learning to pause, reflect, and respond rather than react.
It is the kind of wisdom that develops over time, through self-awareness, humility, and practice.
Why This Prayer Still Matters
What continues to resonate with me about the Serenity Prayer is how closely it aligns with what psychology now understands about wellbeing. Long before we had language like “psychological flexibility” or “values-based action”, this prayer named the same truths in simple, memorable words.
It acknowledges suffering.
It invites acceptance without passivity.
It calls for courage rooted in meaning.
And it honours the discernment required to live well.
Whether approached as a prayer, a reflection, or shared human wisdom, the Serenity Prayer offers something steady to return to. It reminds us that peace is not found in controlling life, but in learning when to accept, when to act, and how to live with intention and grace in the space between.